The Unexpected Gift of Getting Triggered: What Improv Taught Me About Rewriting My Inner Script

As a performer and speaker, I'm always on the lookout for ways to push my boundaries and develop new skills. This weekend, I decided to attend a spontaneity intensive based on the Keith Johnstone improvisation format at Impro Melbourne. It was designed to help us deepen our ability to let go of self-judgment, follow our impulses, and trust our instincts in the moment to help us become present, playful performers.

As I entered the theatre space, I was struck by the diversity of the group - from individuals who had never performed before to seasoned actors. Everyone's goals were different: some were there to just try improv for the first time, while others wanted to bring more spontaneous play into their craft. For me, I wanted to really practice and allow stories to unfold on stage without rules or overthinking, as this is often a challenge.

Little did I know that this experience would be quite challenging, and reveal two very important lessons for me:

Lesson 1: Getting in Your Head is Normal - Even for Seasoned Performers

During the intensive, there were moments when I really got into my head and started to tell myself that I was just not at the level of improvisation that I thought I was. There were many times I was really uncomfortable, and a familiar shame spiral started to emerge:

“I’ve been doing this for years, why am I not getting this”

“Why did I do that - that doesn't make sense”

“I’m obviously just not as good as I thought”

And what I learned was: Getting stuck in your head is a normal part of the creative process, even for seasoned storytellers and performers. Shame spirals can be a normal reaction - especially repeating, negative thoughts from earlier (or past life) experiences.

That’s all they are, patterns.

By remembering that these feelings are a natural reaction to pushing our limits and that we have control over them, we can replace them with a different thought.

In the moment where my mind started to spiral, I took a beat and reminded myself that “this is not hard or a broken part of me, this is just new. I can do new”.

It was the circuit breaker that I needed to get back on track. To remind myself that, at some point, every seasoned expert will get stretched and challenged - it’s a normal part of the growth process.

The choice is whether we stay in the negative spiral or not. And you can choose not to. You get to make that choice.

Lesson 2: Your Triggers, Feelings and Inner Dialogue are Gifts for Healing

The second powerful lesson that I learned is that our triggers always show us what is ready to be healed.

Here’s what happened:

In the afternoon of the second day, one particular exercise really triggered me.

It was a game where the improviser had to enter and perform a specific action in a specific location that the audience had previously determined (the improviser had no idea). The only feedback the audience could give was saying “hotter” when the improviser entered and got closer to the right spot or something that was like the right action. You may remember this game from childhood, known as “Hot and Cold”, but in this version, there was something to be performed exactly, with an infinite number of possible options.

After multiple attempts and a huge number of random combinations, I wasn’t able to figure out any of my challenges. I instantly got triggered and felt really stupid. Especially after some of the other performers were able to work theirs out very quickly.

Anyone who knows this feeling knows it is super uncomfortable. It stings and is often accompanied by anger - both towards yourself and the situation that caused you to feel this way.

But here’s what’s most beautiful - every repeatedly triggered emotion is actually an incredible gift.

The surges of negative self-talk and anger that we feel reveal deep-rooted beliefs that are ready for healing.

How do we know? Because it’s an old pattern being presented to you again, in a particularly intense way, and catches your attention. It feels different than it normally does because it comes with a sensation that calls for you to “look deeper”. And knowing this is the peak.

I knew this was one of those moments because this feeling was more intense than normal and it had a longing to it. It was time to rewrite my old pattern of automatically reverting to feeling stupid when I couldn’t figure something out (especially publicly).

As soon as I felt the feeling and anger come up, I allowed myself to feel it, then took a moment to feel into why it was there. It quickly revealed an old pattern from my childhood, where getting things wrong (and others laughing at my mistake) created a feeling of shame within me. I could see that these old experiences had made me create a safety net of needing to work 10x harder to prevent being exposed again (hello, over-achievement), which was really being pushed in this game.

But it was also letting me know that I was ready to change it. I was ready for a new script.

Whilst I knew I wasn’t going to be able to heal everything I needed to right there in the class, I thanked my body and guides for revealing it to me. I started to rewrite the script in my mind from “I am stupid” to “I am safe” so that I could keep moving forward in the class. I knew I’d pick up on diving deeper into this later in the week (which I did).

In this moment, I also realised this was why I was here this weekend: To find and start healing these old patterns so that I could enter into an incredible new chapter of my performance career.

Moving from lesson to practice

Every challenge, every trigger, every moment of discomfort - they're all invitations to grow. They're not here to break you down, but to break you open. To help you shed the layers of conditioning that keep you playing small, so that you can step into the fullness of who you truly are.

Being triggered or getting into your head with a negative critique is normal, no matter how advanced you are with your skill. The key is to continue to meet yourself with unconditional love and allow it to show you when it is ready to be healed.

So, the next time you find yourself in a shame spiral or triggered by an old wound, I invite you to pause. Take a deep breath. Place your hand on your heart. Remind and ask yourself: "I am safe. What is this moment trying to show me?” Then listen closely to your intuition, and let it show you what to do next.

And remember, you are not alone on this journey. You’re always welcome in the Bold Squad where you can share your vulnerable moments and be met with unwavering support!

- Andi xo